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Bekah Bowman

Can't Steal My Joy

Home | Our Story Part 4- Learning to live after loss | When I’m ready to fly off the handle

When I’m ready to fly off the handle

Living In Community, Living With Grief, Our Story Part 4- Learning to live after loss

Miscommunication happened, again. As a result, I was ready to fly off the handle this time. I had spent copious amounts of time organizing, planning and overly communicating. Despite my preparations, no one seemed to understand what was going on.

Perhaps it was the fact we were on day 7 of being stuck at home. My nerves may have been overly shot leaving little room to poke and prod before they became angry, quivering with sarcasm and frustration.

I started to respond over text in haughty pride that I had clearly stated this plan multiple times. My response lingered in draft-style as I read it. And re-read it. My finger hovered over the send button.

woman frustrated while texting
Photo by Kev Costello on Unsplash

Wait. Don’t respond yet. There was the familiar voice of the Spirit.

The invitation to see new

It was early. 6 am. So I set my phone aside (which really is it’s rightful place first thing in the morning) and walked out to the kitchen bar to sit in the quiet. I love this time. It’s a regular rhythm in my mornings where the noise of the world dims for a bit, and I listen through reading God’s Word, journaling, and just being.

I started reading 1 Corinthians a few months ago. When I finished, I decided to move right into the next book. I look forward to what I’ll discover each morning, praying for open eyes and ears. This particular morning, with that text response sitting in drafts, I opened to the next chapter. James 3. I read the chapter title and rolled my eyes in loving respect (I promise!) sprinkled with a good amount of humor, and chuckled. Controlling the Tongue.

“Okay,” I whispered aloud. “You obviously have something for me to learn here.” To be honest, if there was a wrong and a right side to my earlier fiasco, I was the one who was right. My pride wanted the other party to feel the pain of their ignorance so they would learn from it. And yet the Spirit whispered again, You don’t know why they responded that way. There could be reasons beyond your understanding.

Convicted, I read verse by verse, sometimes pausing to underline or write my thoughts in the margins. And then this verse struck me.

“If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.”

James 3:13

A wise perspective shift

Humility, I definitely needed. But wisdom? I kinda figured I had wisdom. I have asked God for His wisdom all my life. Plus, I generally make decisions I would classify as wise.

Poke. Prod. There is something more here.

“For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.”

James 3:15-16

The words soaked in. “Okay, God–so my underlining desire here is to prove that I’m right. I have no consideration for the other’s feelings. Therefore, the driving force behind my response is selfishness. What is your wisdom then?” My response sitting in drafts was a tiny spark that could set a forest fire.

Here is where God re-positioned my perspective. Maybe in this crazy time of close quarters with your loved ones, you need this re-positioned perspective too? With the world unpredictable and lacking stability, we lash out unfairly at those we love and are closest to. We assume our way is the best way and stomp over anyone else who dare trudge upon a different path. We notice all the things that aren’t falling under our control and grab tighter. If we can’t control the really big things, we overcompensate to ensure these little things will be corralled and contained with our order. At the bottom of these motivations lay selfishness, a form of self-preservation that comes from fear.

studying the Bible, seeking wisdom
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

What is Your wisdom then?

I arrived at James 3:17-18 where God was about to answer my question.

“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”

James 3:17-18

My patient, wise God waited for the ah-ha moment to come over me. And, indeed it did. Wisdom from above is:

Pure

Peace-loving

Gentle at all times

Willing to yield to others

Full of mercy

Does good deeds

Shows no favoritism

Is always sincere

I wrote each of these down in my journal and then added: “This becomes a filter we can use to ensure our actions and responses are in line with God’s wisdom.”

A reason to respond differently

After reading, I took another look at my text response. Delete, delete, delete, delete. It didn’t matter if I was right. It also didn’t matter that this would take me a little extra time to get everyone back on track. They were worth the extra effort. When I am unblinded by my selfishness, I am able to see the other’s value. When my selfishness is set aside, I can filter my motivations through the value of the other person, not my need to control.

But, breathing in, I could still sense intolerance wanting to rise up in me. “God, this is such an automatic response for me! I need your wisdom to leak through my soul so I can give Love.”

A few days later, I found the irritation rising again. My son was furious he couldn’t go see his Grandpa and, therefore, protested with fits and screams. My husband and I were navigating being in each other’s space 24/7 with very different ways of moving through our routines (or lack of routines). While we have done quite well the majority of the time, we’ve had moments we’ve played a round of bumper cars as we swoop into each other’s lanes.

The quick reaction to retort and put everyone in their place, to grasp for control and make everyone behave the way I need them to, rises like a tiny spark, ready again to set a forest ablaze. But God’s Spirit reminds me, it is not my job to self-preserve. It is my job to live acknowledging His victory, His hope, His security. My selfishness melts away, and left in it’s place is true wisdom to navigate these uncertain times.

Multitasking work life and mom life

A helpful reminder

I realize, this will be a continual learning curve for me, so I created a little reminder to hang up in my home, and thought maybe you would want it too. You can download it here.

Consider utilizing these days together to have a discussion as a family about what God’s wisdom looks like in an unprecedented time like this. How does His wisdom pour out of our actions and words as a result? Our time in close quarters has potential to reap a harvest of good, soul-filling moments, as mirrors are held up to our souls daily by our families and roommates. May God’s wisdom be what reflects back.

Thanks for listening,

Bekah

PS- Don’t want you to miss this…

Hey readers! If you are looking for a good Bible study, head over to The Daily Grace Co! They are having a $5 and $10 sale on their studies right now! You’ll find studies and tools for your kids, him and her bundles you can do together with your spouse, and TONS of resources that will meet you right in the middle of these unprecedented times. It’s the perfect time to stock up!

Lastly, once a month I send out a newsletter straight to your email. It’s holds some honest musings, soul reflections and encouragement as we hold onto joy. I also share some of my favorite things I’ve been listening to, reading, or ministries that are doing amazing things. To top it off, I always include a family-favorite, easy recipe–because we are in this together, friend, and recipe-swapping is a form of love. Readers say it’s like sitting down to coffee with a friend. I’d love to connect with you over coffee in real life, but this is my next best option. Come join me!

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March 28, 2020 · 6 Comments

Previous Post: « 5 Action steps you can take when you’ve lost control of your circumstances
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Comments

  1. Denise Reynolds says

    March 29, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    Sooo good! Thankful for this, Bekah. Be well…our God’s got this!

    Reply
    • Bekah Bowman says

      March 30, 2020 at 8:44 am

      He sure does! And we are all on the front lines watching for what He is and will do through all of this. Thankful for a God who can and wil weave good throughout devastation. Sending our love to you and Bill!

      Reply
  2. Ruth Shaw says

    March 29, 2020 at 7:13 am

    Great morning devotional. The bible is so today! Love you and your family. Blessings galore. Love, Skeeter

    Reply
    • Bekah Bowman says

      March 29, 2020 at 7:45 am

      Love you Skeeter! Miss you!

      Reply
  3. Lindsey says

    March 28, 2020 at 10:58 pm

    I just think you are so incredible and so hugely gifted… thank you for this! Thank you!!! I will be reading this to my family tomorrow morning for our “ Church” service!

    Reply
    • Bekah Bowman says

      March 29, 2020 at 7:47 am

      Oh I am so thankful God is speaking to you through these words. What a privilege to be a little part of your family’s church experience tomorrow. Hugs, Lindsey! So thankful for your beautiful family!

      Reply

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Bekah Bowman

Hey, I’m Bekah and I’m so glad you’re here! It’s my mission to help you find joy, belonging, and hope in Jesus. I wear many hats, but some of my favorite hats are being a coach’s wife and a mom to boys. Read more…

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I gave up on sleep around 4:30 this morning. Ely h I gave up on sleep around 4:30 this morning. Ely had been up since 1:30 and it was clear his body was struggling to settle down and sleep. I had fits of horrible nightmares. At 4:30, I waved the white flag. We got up and I googled a good baked donut recipe.
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He's the one who broke the news of who He was to a woman. And not just any woman, but one who was thought of as second-rate filth to the culture of that day. In His proclamation, He reminded her of who she really was-- chosen, beloved, and yes, loved.
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He's the one who went through what could perhaps be described as the most gruesome, torturous death. And in the midst of it, reached out to the criminal next to him and stole this man away from darkness and death and offered him victory and life.
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Loving this beautiful 75° day out on the back pat Loving this beautiful 75° day out on the back patio with one of our sensory bins full of sea creatures. Sunshine was just what we both needed!
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Attending church as a family is complicated when you are raising a child with a disability, for many, many reasons. So when we talked to @bekahsbowman about her experience, and what she is doing to build a bridge between ministry and disabilities, it was such an encouraging and inspiring conversation.

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She also has a book you can check out called Can't Steal My Joy: The Journey to a Different Kind of Brave, available on Amazon.
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On a recent episode of the podcast, @bekahsbowman shared about finding beauty and goodness in the middle of unthinkable loss. This week, she is back to talk about carrying grief as she has navigated the diagnosis of a fatal disease for both of her young sons.

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