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Bekah Bowman

Can't Steal My Joy

Home | Our Story Part 3- Journeying a different story than planned | My desperate prayer

My desperate prayer

Our Story Part 3- Journeying a different story than planned

Many reach out to me with encouragement, affirmations. They mean a lot, but perhaps they mean too much to me. It’s easy to start thinking I’m responsible for the good happening around me. And that’s dangerous. People who need to be seen become invisible by my elevated shadow. I start making decisions out of my own knowledge and forget to seek God’s wisdom. The truth is, God is in all of this. He is working. And often, I get in the way.

True vulnerability here… I’m quick to grow annoyed by those closest to me, I have a biting sarcasm, I can do a good door slam, and demonstrate a lot more grace to those I don’t know than those who closely surround me on a daily basis. Yes, I am a thick headed knuckle brain. We’ve all heard that stat about 50% of marriages ending in divorce. Well that percentage jumps up to between 80-90% for families with kids with special needs. I would do you all a disservice if I write in vulnerable truth and honesty on this blog but refuse to address how this effects my marriage. This morning I sit with my Lord after multiple nights of little to no sleep (although last night was a good one! ), one too many arguments with my husband, and weariness on my soul that is caked on like a bitter, thick oil. No matter how hard I scrape away at it, there is still a film left that I can’t get rid of on my own. My heart cries out to my daddy, my Abba, my Lord:

“Protect me! Protect me from my pride, ignorance, my fear. I want to be filled with You – so much that we are one in soul. When You stir, I feel You. When You say move, I do so with abandon of any reserve I may have. Speak through me, but don’t let my fleshy self-centeredness get in the way, thinking I’m “all that”. I need You – to my core. We all do! I cannot survive without You! Protect my husband and I’s hearts from anger, anxiety and fear. Take away rage and sarcasm. Give us strength we need each day to deal with the stresses of life – these stresses that are way too much for us to handle on our own. Give us wise council. Give us love. Cut through the hard and angry. Please, Lord, change us! You are powerful in this story –  don’t let us defile it by uncontrollable anger and falling into deep brokeness being swallowed up and blinded by it, saying hurtful things, but rather in our brokeness, bring victory! Bring love! Bring goodness! Undeniable, heart jolting, can’t-help-but-feel-it-and-smile kind of goodness! Give us fresh breath even in a stale room. Help us filter through pain and confusion and see Your glory and goodness. Allow us to undeniably feel what it means to be full of Your Spirit. Unstoppable momentum! Thank you for Your patience. We are not quick studies, we humans. We are stubborn, lazy, complacent. Rise up in Danny and I. Don’t leave us here. Take us to new heights of love and loyalty. Change our hearts. We are broken before you, working hard to make all look ok. We are not ok. We are not grace-filled. We are not first responders of love. Lord, I ache in repentance. Know my heart. Know my limits. And take me beyond those limits making it clear there is no other way to get there except through You, and knowing You are available to ALL!  Today, when Satan pounds hard on our hearts and brings weariness that wants to unleash into anger and bitterness, break out Spirit of God! Be so strong that anger fizzles out. That sarcasm can’t make it past my tongue. That love gets to win today. Tear down these walls.  After all, we know You make beautiful things out of us!”

And to my husband, as we just passed 10 years of marriage together, I love you. We are a team, journeying through what was truly the unimaginable to us just a few short months ago. I know you feel the heavy weight of the burden your family has to carry. And you feel the responsibility to stay strong, keep it together. This year, I pray for God to give you a safe place to fall apart and be built back up in love. For your strength to be sourced from a never ending source of hope and thankfulness. That you will see your value in this story, the need we have for you, my husband, and daddy to our boys. I pray you will be “seen” by me and others, but most importantly, seen by our Creator. I pray you will feel His unconditional love and that it would be enough. Hun, I pray for true, undeniable, bubbling over the top joy for you.

  • Braving his fear to give me an adventure
  • Loving the zip-line adventure
  • Anniversary celebrations
Beautiful photo session we were nominated for with Love Song Photography.

Thanks for listening…

Bekah

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November 5, 2015 · 5 Comments

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  1. debsamson says

    November 6, 2015 at 3:03 am

    Honest…Gut Wrenching…Vulnerability…God loves it and we need it…Much love to you and Danny 🙂

    Reply
  2. Joanne Bates says

    November 5, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    Yes.

    Reply
    • Greg Rarrick says

      November 6, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Becca, I am a friend of your brother Brad here in Colville, and we attend the same church as he and Becca. Our hearts break for what is happening in your precious little boys lives, and we pray for you all every day. As I just read your blog that they shared the link to today, I am reminded of something my wife often shares with others. If we keep our struggles hidden or in the dark, they can overtake us, but when we bring them out in the light, we are exposing them to the healing power of light. It is our prayer that the Father of light will not only answer your prayer, but that He will give you even more than you ask or imagine. Keep opening your hearts to His amazing grace and power, and living in His wonderful light. We will continue to pray for you all. God Bless and keep you, and we look forward to hearing good report in the days ahead. Greg and Gerry Rarrick

      Reply
  3. Janice Eldridge says

    November 5, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    Bekah, my heart is so touched by your willingness to be so transparent. Marriage is so difficult in the best of situations and to hear your heart and desire for God’s presence and prompting in your and Danny’s lives touches me so much. Know that I pray for your family often and will continue to with tis insight. Even though it has been years since I have seen you, I remember you with great love and fond.

    Reply
  4. Cathi Phillips says

    November 5, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Bekah! We are with you in prayer! We love you!

    Reply

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Bekah Bowman

Hey, I’m Bekah and I’m so glad you’re here! It’s my mission to help you find joy, belonging, and hope in Jesus. I wear many hats, but some of my favorite hats are being a coach’s wife and a mom to boys. Read more…

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I gave up on sleep around 4:30 this morning. Ely h I gave up on sleep around 4:30 this morning. Ely had been up since 1:30 and it was clear his body was struggling to settle down and sleep. I had fits of horrible nightmares. At 4:30, I waved the white flag. We got up and I googled a good baked donut recipe.
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Waking up from such darkness made me even more aware of the light and hope today holds. As I mixed the batter and prepped the pan, I was filled with gratitude for Jesus. For who He is. For what He has done to this darkness. Friends, if you haven't yet--consider Jesus.
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He's the one who drew a line in the dirt between a woman labeled a prostitute and the rest of the crowd ready to kill her and he stood on her side and offered her love and hope.
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He's the one who reached out to touch a man who hadn't been so much as touched on the arm by someone for who knows how long because of his diseased body--a man who had been marginalized, oppressed, shunned. His touch gave value and love to this man.
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He's the one who saw an odd short man up in a tree and invited him into friendship. A man who was hated because he was a cheat. Jesus's friendship offered him a new start and love to guide him.
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He's the one who broke the news of who He was to a woman. And not just any woman, but one who was thought of as second-rate filth to the culture of that day. In His proclamation, He reminded her of who she really was-- chosen, beloved, and yes, loved.
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He's the one who went through what could perhaps be described as the most gruesome, torturous death. And in the midst of it, reached out to the criminal next to him and stole this man away from darkness and death and offered him victory and life.
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He's the one who held this mom as she held her son during his last breath. And in her grief and desperate wails, He grieved too, and promised Redemption and overwhelming Joy. Love shown through victory over death.
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I can't explain how central this is to everything. Absolutely everything. If you haven't yet, please--consider Jesus. Not religion, not a list of rules, not hurtful expectations "christians" have perhaps put on you or wounded you with.... not those things. Jesus. Please consider Jesus. 💛
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He is Risen. 🙌
Loving this beautiful 75° day out on the back pat Loving this beautiful 75° day out on the back patio with one of our sensory bins full of sea creatures. Sunshine was just what we both needed!
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If you haven't heard the poem Holland, give it a Google. Chances are, if you're in this world of disabilities, you know that poem well. 

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Attending church as a family is complicated when you are raising a child with a disability, for many, many reasons. So when we talked to @bekahsbowman about her experience, and what she is doing to build a bridge between ministry and disabilities, it was such an encouraging and inspiring conversation.

If you are connected to church ministry in any way, please listen to this episode, and check out Joni and Friends an organization dedicated to equipping people and churches to serve and include the disability community. 

Bekah has a podcast ministry she's starting called Room for More where she says all are not just welcome and invited, they are needed. @roomformoreministry 

She also has a book you can check out called Can't Steal My Joy: The Journey to a Different Kind of Brave, available on Amazon.
I took Ely to the park the other day. There were a I took Ely to the park the other day. There were a couple of kids out on the playground. Trepidation grew in my heart as we got closer.
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"Will he be accepted this time?"
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"Will they see past his odd mannerisms and learn that's he a really cool kid?"
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Once again, the answer was no, they would not. Ely was only worthy of a few side-glances, and with every step closer, a step was taken to put distance between him and them. Ely didn't know what was happening, but it broke my heart.
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I thought, "will he ever get to call someone 'friend'"?
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And then my next thought, "how many people with disabilities have grown up without someone outside their family and care team who they could call friend?"
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The answer is: far too many. And it's a shame this world is missing out on the gift of their friendships.
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Before any of us call these kids on the playground jerks or blame their parents for their insensitive behaviors, can we take a moment to look inward?
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Was there a time you side-stepped, switched directions, smiled politely and walked quickly by when you were near someone different than you? I know I have. And it's not okay. I know those kids on the playground are probably also really cool kids. They were uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle it.
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This past Sunday was Ely's first Sunday back to church since the pandemic. A little girl about 3 years old asked if Ely "would like a warm hug?" I smiled. She moved toward Ely and gave value to his presence.The expansiveness of her comfort zone challenged mine. And may it also challenge yours. It only takes extending a gift of friendship.
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Guess what today is?! Today marks TWO WHOLE YEARS Guess what today is?! Today marks TWO WHOLE YEARS with Ely's chest-to-brain port infusion system!!
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This first-of-its-kind-ever-in-the-world system has worked flawlessly for two years now. 52 infusions under our belt and this system is gaining legitimacy and attention.
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🎉
Since switching over, Ely has not struggled once with nausea (which was a common side effect for him before) nor have we had any bacterial infections or possibilities of one. He has so much more freedom to move around and we never have to worry about the needle accidentally dislodging as it's very secure.
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This guy swiped his daddy's hat and thought he was This guy swiped his daddy's hat and thought he was pretty hilarious.
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He was. 💛
Part two released today on the Joni and Friends Po Part two released today on the Joni and Friends Podcast... I pray as you journey your own path of grief or unexpected circumstances, this brings you hope. 💛
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Also, super fun for me--getting to put our amazing community on display in this podcast episode, from Columbus, Ohio to Irvine, CA and all the places in between--thank YOU for helping me carry my grief. You are a true reflection of Jesus.
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• • • • • •
On a recent episode of the podcast, @bekahsbowman shared about finding beauty and goodness in the middle of unthinkable loss. This week, she is back to talk about carrying grief as she has navigated the diagnosis of a fatal disease for both of her young sons.

If your life has taken an unexpected turn or you are traveling with grief as a constant companion, listen to the podcast today and be encouraged by Bekah’s journey.

Click the link in our bio to subscribe!
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